Monthly Archives: September 2013

Friday Funny: Real Resume Quotes

 

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.


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“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“It’s best for employer that I do not work with people.”

“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”

“Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail.”

“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

“Personal interest: Donating blood — fourteen gallons so far.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

“Note: Please don’t’ misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”

“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

“References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

Courtesy of
THE FREEMAN INSTITUTE

 

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Announcing the Speaker Line-up for the October Round of Events in Austin, TX!

It’s time to throw back the curtains and flip on the spotlights!

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Without further ado, we present the complimentary educational  sessions for the  Education Facilities Forum, Healthcare Facilities Forum, and Education & Healthcare Security Forum.

 October 28th & 29th 
The Hyatt Regency Austin Texas 


Today’s ADA in Healthcare & Education – Presented by Chris Taylor, Founder and CEO of ADA Compliance Consultants Inc.

 

We will cover the new changes to the Federal ADA standards and how this effects all of our facilities moving forward.

1) Taking a fresh look at our facilities access requirements

2) How to plan for “Readily Achievable” barrier removal

3) What is considered a “Reasonable Accommodation” within our facility

4) Determining what is an “Unreasonable Hardship”

5) Making sense of the “20% Additional Rule & Disproportionate Costs”

6) The Top 10 Interior Accessible items to focus on

7) The Top 10 Exterior Accessible items City Inspectors focus on

8) How to defer more expensive barrier removal until an addition or modification to the property is taking place.


Innovative HVAC in Schools – Presented by Verne John, VRF Specialist, Texas AirSystems, Austin, TX

 

Variable Refrigerant Flow (VRF) technology was introduced as a system to minimize losses found in conventional HVAC systems.  The modular design of a VRF system provides exceptional dehumidification and temperature control by efficiently adapting to the changing loads.   This presentation will provide an overview of VRF and Duct-Free Systems in the education market.  Learn how a quiet, energy efficient, easy to design, install and maintain VRF System can improve the learning environment.


Repair and Renovation Construction Projects-A Better Way: Job Order Contracting – Presented by Mike Coberley, KBR

Today’s facility managers face the daunting task of doing more with less.  While staff and capital budgets are being cut and costs for new construction escalate, refurbishing existing facilities becomes an ever more attractive and necessary prospect.  Unfortunately, the traditional procurement methods to solicit and contract these projects don’t provide the facility planner with the quick response and budget control required.  However, there is an alternative procurement vehicle that truly has the possibility of being better, more responsive and more cost effective… three things all managers dream of.  Job Order Contracting (JOC).

The purpose of this presentation is to educate the attendee on what Job Order Contracting (JOC) is, how it works, and what its potential benefits are.


 Advanced Retro-Commissioning, Life-Cycle Building Commissioning and Monitoring-Based Commissioning – Presented by Song Deng, P.E., CMVP®, CBCP®, REP, Bee, Austin, TX and Dr. W. Dan Turner, Ph.D., P.E., Bee, Austin, TX

Despite the fact that existing building commissioning has been practiced for more than 20 years, there is still no consistent agreement on the name, i.e., Retro-Commissioning (RCx), Existing Building Commissioning (EBCx), O&M Commissioning, Energy Commissioning, On-Going Commissioning (OCx), Total Commissioning, Continuous Commissioning® (CC®), etc., and there is not agreement on the approach used.

The authors proposed a term, Life-Cycle Building Commissioning (LCBCx) to include “cradle to grave” building commissioning, starting with commissioning input on planning and design optimization, running through the entire operations and maintenance cycle of the building, and then continuing through major renovations and equipment replacement.  Advanced Retro-Commissioning (ARCx) not only identifies operational optimization measures and retrofit opportunities, but also emphasize the implementation of these measures by service providers through teaming up with the owner and its facility management and O&M team(s).  Monitoring-Based Commissioning (MBCx) has emerged in the last decade to be one effective and efficient way to keep RCx and M&V on-going and achieve the LCBCx goals.

These concepts and processes can be applied to stand-alone buildings, central energy and utility plants, and campuses with district heating and/or cooling systems.  The US Army Medical Command (MEDCOM)’s Facility Energy Commissioning (FECx) Program has many elements of LCBCx and will be used as a case study to indicate the effectiveness of an LCBCx approach.


How Education Can Get Smarter….in Buildings – Presented by Leo O’Loughlin, Senior Vice President in Jones Lang LaSalle’s Energy and Sustainability Services

 Jones Lang LaSalle has developed and implemented a new solution that helps clients achieve unprecedented gains in efficiency and sustainability across their real estate assets.  IntelliCommand combines world-leading, smart technology from Pacific Controls with JLL’s industry-leading facilities management platform to provide 24/7 remote monitoring and optimization of facilities. As facilities management is becoming increasingly more complex and challenging, there is pressure to aggressively manage costs and risks. This technology not only meets and exceeds these demands but it also enables equipment to run at peak efficiency, issues can be addressed before they become failures or disrupt operations, and allows clients to achieve breakthrough results and can be successfully implemented anywhere.  Enhanced sustainability and energy efficiency is being mandated by not only the private markets, but also cities, states, and the federal government, and it is impacting all stakeholders.  Smart buildings allow institutions to make informed, real time decisions that increase efficiency and productivity.


 The Healthy Schools Project, How to leverage your budget to create a healthier school – Presented by Chrissy Sheehan, Kimberly Clark Professional 

On average teachers miss 5.3 days of school each year due to preventable illness. Many school districts report their teacher absenteeism is even higher. Data shows teachers are exposed to more germs than any other profession and their illness costs school districts money, holds back student performance and projects an image that schools are not healthy.

How can we do better without adding new cost items to facilities budget? How can we educate better hand hygiene habits in our schools to create a healthier environment?

Kimberly Clark Professional has developed The Healthy Schools Project to educate students, teachers and administrators to wash, wipe and sanitize to prevent the spread of germs and illness. This program is a comprehensive way to keep your school healthy that is proven to reduce germs in the classroom.

Learn how your budgets for washroom products can provide create a healthier learning environment for your students, teachers, administrators and parents.

 

 Washington D.C. Smart Roof Program: Portfolio-based Roof Asset and Energy Management Presented by Richard Rast, President of BLUEFIN, LLC

 

The way you manage your roofs can have a big impact on your energy consumption and carbon footprint, and position you as a community leader.  This presentation demonstrates through a case study in our nation’s Capital how you can turn your roofs from a liability into a sustainable asset.  The Washington D.C. Department of General Services is successfully integrating roof asset and energy management to reduce its energy use by 20% across its entire municipal portfolio, including schools, police and fire facilities, and parks and recreation buildings. This municipality includes 435 buildings with over 40 million square feet.

This presentation will demonstrate the Smart Roof Objectives:

1)    Conserve Energy: Insulating, air-barrier, and day lighting

2)    Reduce Runoff: Collecting, retaining, and re-using rainwater

3)    Reflect Heat: Reducing temperatures across the city

4)    Collect Solar Energy: Producing electricity and hot water

5)    Manage Carbon: Tracking and reducing carbon footprints

6)    Lead: Identifying and demonstrating best practices

 

Violence in the Workplace: Prevention, Intervention and Aftermath Presented by Dr. Tania Glenn, President of Tania Glenn and Associates (TGA), PA

 

This workshop will address the types of workplace violence that employers encounter, the signs leading up to incidents as well as prevention and post incident intervention strategies. Attendees will be encouraged to change their thinking about the possibility of violence in the workplace and given tools to address potential problems quickly and effectively.


A Hosted Infrastructure that Pays for Itself?? Believe it. Presented by Tim Anderson, Vice President of Computerized Facility Integration, LLC.

 

In the last several years the benefits of leveraging a solutions partner to host facilities technologies has been growing in popularity. Many cite greater availability, reliability, and security along with reduced costs as the primary drivers. Initially many organizations consider hosting these technologies in house but once they complete their research and clearly understand the costs to set up, implement and manage these systems many find that utilizing an experienced partner makes the more sense. In fact, many world class IT organizations have relinquished these responsibilities all together in order to get much needed FM technology deployed quickly and painlessly. As an industry-leading hosted infrastructure provider, CFI allows IT departments to remain focused on mission critical patient-facing front-of-the-house applications. Additionally many clients have been able to achieve quick payback, rapidly deploying systems even with tighter-than-ever budgets because the op-ex nature of a hosting arrangement (versus the traditional capital expenses required for on-premise deployments) is much more flexible. This 45-minute workshop will speak to the benefits of outsourcing your hosted infrastructure and explain some quick deployment options available to healthcare organizations to reprioritize already tight budgets and alleviate the challenges and excess spend involved in purchasing, implementing and maintaining the critical business applications required to maintain compliance and improve the bottom line.


 How to Design & Specify High-Performance Hybrid Buildings Presented by Jack Laken, P.Eng. B.Sc., President of Termobuild Canada, Toronto, Ontario

 

From our experience capital project managers like you are on the lookout for new ways of enhancing their projects, particularly when it comes to comfort, energy efficiency, and safety at conventional cost.

In short by pairing ventilated pre-cast floor with any HVAC system leads to unexpected 7 built in and free systems your buildings can instantly benefit from:

  1. air driven radiant heating and concrete cooling,
  2. energy storage ( no ice required) or standby heating and cooling,
  3. improved indoor comfort,
  4. reduced energy bills,
  5. reduced maintenance cost
  6. peak power reduction ( no ice required)
  7. added resilience to climate change.

Using our advanced method of pairing ventilation with pre-cast floors it is easy to take advantage of today’s “high performance” standards and position your buildings for new developments already on the horizon with low energy buildings, and more.


Active Shooter Prevention Training Options Presented by Chris Grollnek, a former United States Marine and retired police corporal from the City of McKinney.  He is the founder of Countermeasure Consulting Group, LLC.


Planning for a Campus Emergency Presented by Patrick V. Fiel Sr., Security Advisor

 

Patrick will discuss risk assessments, preparedness, and innovative security solutions aimed at mitigating campus risks.

The senseless attack at Connecticut’s Sandy Hook Elementary School showed

again how it takes tragic events such as this for school administrators, public officials

and the general public to focus on campus security.

We’ve seen it before with tragic events that seared the names of other campuses into

our minds — Columbine, West Nickel Mines Amish School, and Virginia Tech. Patrick will be discussing ways to help you protect your campuses. The main ingredients to an emergency plan are prevention, preparedness, response, and recovery.

The combination of well-planned security procedures, risk assessments, crisis preparedness planning, security technology, and training can help to reduce incidents on and around campuses.


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Cybercrime Awareness: $388 Billion cybercime related losses in one year… Should we hire the hackers?

It is said  that the month of Cybercrime Awareness  reminds  people  how profoundly their everyday life relies on the Internet and therefore, how very alert they should be about hacking. Above all else, however,   the Cybercrime Awareness month rubs in our face one simple fact – despite the billion dollar investments in cybersecurity, we’re  vulnerable to hacker attacks  like never before! It’s enough to take a look at the data from “Norton Cybercrime Report 2012″, indicating that cybercrime is bigger than          ” (…) the global black market in marijuana, cocaine and heroin combined ($288bn) and approaching the value of all global drug trafficking ($411bn)” and that “At $388bn, cybercrime is more than 100 times the annual expenditure of UNICEF ($3.65 billion)”.

Days when advanced hacking was used exclusively against government agencies are way gone. At present, every business is on the menu… if not already consumed.   The problem becomes even more  serious, as Madiant’s CEO informed us last Tuesday, due to the fact that most companies don’t even realize that they’ve been hacked until informed by law enforcement agencies. British global crime investigator, Misha Glenny,  goes one step further by saying that “There are only two types of companies in the world, those that know that they’ve been hacked and those that don’t.”

The bottom line here  is that successful breaches spotting  has been progressively decreasing throughout  the past couple of years.  Why?

We are fairly aware of the three root causes of this predicament:

1. Hackers expertise in compromising legitimate networks, detecting gaps, and routing around known security defenses;

2.  Security Technology errors and omissions;

3. Finally, human weaknesses such as inattention, incompetence, and carelessness.

Yet,  when thinking about solutions, we only consider two of the three factors – technology and human vulnerability – and tend to omit the real source of our problems – the Hacker.

It seems that the traditional solutions –  investing in improved security systems and training ourselves  to get ride of damaging habits – are insufficient.

Hence, Misha Glenn proposes  quite an unconventional alternative in his TED talk  – hire the hackers!

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Join Patrick V. Fiel as he’s discussing assessments, preparedness, and innovative security solutions aimed at mitigating campus risks.

We’re pleased to announce a newly confirmed seminar for the Education Facilities Forum/Healthcare and Education Security Forum/Healthcare Facilities Forum.

“Planning for a Campus Emergency” workshop is to be presented by Patrick V. Fiel on October 28th & 29th
at The Hyatt Regency in  Austin, Texas. 

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Patrick V. Fiel, Sr. has over thirty years of experience managing security and law enforcement organizations, and is a nationally recognized expert in campus security for both K-12 and higher education clients.

The senseless attack at Connecticut’s Sandy Hook Elementary School showed again how it takes tragic events such as this for school administrators, public officials and the general public to focus on campus security. We’ve seen it before with tragic events that seared the names of other campuses into our minds — Columbine, West Nickel Mines Amish School, and Virginia Tech. Patrick will be discussing ways to help you protect your campuses. The main ingredients to an emergency plan are prevention, preparedness, response, and recovery.

The combination of well-planned security procedures, risk assessments, crisis preparedness planning, security technology, and training can help to reduce incidents on and around campuses.

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And How Do you Deal with your Employees’ Foul Language?

“Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received and our efforts to improve communication, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a f___ing bit__.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh___ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f___ing problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn’t you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I’m on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You,

Human Resources”

attribution:  http://www.citehr.com/104941-hr-humour-enjoy-human-resource-planning.html#ixzz2emJNqOkF

A New Seminar for The Education & Healthcare Facilities Forum: Violence in the Workplace: Prevention, Intervention and Aftermath

Violence in the Workplace: Prevention, Intervention and Aftermath

To be presented by Dr. Tania Glenn, a highly recognized professional with a background that includes the Oklahoma City bombings, 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina.

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This workshop will address the types of workplace violence that employers encounter, the signs leading up to incidents as well as prevention and post incident intervention strategies. Attendees will be encouraged to change their thinking about the possibility of violence in the workplace and given tools to address potential problems quickly and effectively.

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We are Pleased to Announce a New Seminar for The Resilience Summit.

Stress Test your Critical Crisis Management Decisions 

To be presented by Jim Satterfield, President and COO of Firestorm® Solutions, LLC,  who is a nationally-recognized expert on crisis management, threat assessment, disaster preparedness and business continuity planning.

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▪   Review best practices for crisis management;

▪   Learn how to integrate stress testing into your existing crisis structure & architecture;

▪   Experience an interactive Stress Test crisis simulation exercise;

▪   Identify techniques for transforming stress testing from a regulatory exercise to a strategic management tool.

How you answer the question “What should we do now?” can have far reaching implications for your company. Often, these questions are complex and require far more than insurance claims or legal responses.  Companies need information and focus on the human, operational, reputational, regulatory, and financial impacts in a disaster or crisis. Regulators have established specific guidelines identifying the expectation of management of risk including social media risk. These requirements included specific social media risk profiles, requirement of a social media risk program with oversight of monitoring, and board or senior management accountability with the potential for fines and penalties. The session will explain what you must be put in place now, provide case studies, and conduct an interactive stress test crisis management exercise.

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